Castle Walls
by xDannixBabyx1
Summary: Do you know what it's like to be living behind… Castle Walls? For everyone to think your life was perfect, but they have no idea what it's really like. Put on the mask when you wake up, and get ready princess, time to smile.    Full Summary inside!
1. If I Die Young

**Basically, if you want to know about me, read my profile. This isn't my first story, but it's my first story on Degrassi and on this new profile I made. Please read and review. Also, warning, I'm very sarcastic. (: but nice. READDD THE INFORMATION JUST BELOW THIS. **

**READ READ READ; ****For those who have read any of Ellen Hopkins books, like Crank/ Glass/ Burned, or other ones, I write like that. Clare has a 'dirty' side to her, which **_(written like this). _**Clare's normal thinking is written, **_like this. _

**Summary;; Do you know what it's like to be living behind… Castle Walls? For everyone to think your life was perfect, but they have no idea what it's really like. Put on the mask when you wake up, and get ready princess, time to smile. Clare Edwards, the side of her you would never guess, never expect. She has a dirty secret, and the new kid wants to know. ((Warning! Clare in this story is not how she is in the show, I mean… she is but the 'dirty secret' side of her isn't at all! Includes drugs!)) **

**Btw, I don't own characters, Degrassi, ya know. **

If you want the full effect of what I feel when I write and read this, listen to the songs that the chapters are named after while reading.

CHAPTER ONE; If I Die Young - by The Band Perry

_REMINDER; Italics and () are what Clare's 'inside voice, Nicole' is thinking. Just italics are Clare (: just so you all know._

_Wow… I look like shit. (Yeah, good morning sunshine.) _

_Ugh I should have skipped that party last night. It's not going to be good for school. (Who cares about school, we had a lot of fun last night.) _

Clare walked away from her bathroom mirror, dreading the fact that summer was over, and it was that wonderful time to return to school. Of course she didn't think it was that bad, but her insides were screaming for her to skip. But Clare wanted to learn, and get out of this house. The house that held memories but those memories were slowly being torn apart because of her parents and the fact that they couldn't keep their marriage solid.

_(You know; if those stupid parents could just learn to give a shit and actually try to work things out…)_

_Shut up. No one cares. _

Now most people, the average person at least, wouldn't believe the fact that the school loving Clare Edwards would have this 'inside voice'. But see this 'inside voice' of hers wasn't because she's crazy. It all started happening when she started using. Now, Clare is not a drug addict, but every now again, when the fighting gets really bad, something comes out of Clare. This new person, someone that she tries to keep hidden, loves the drugs and the partying. She loves the dirty scene and the drinking. Of course, kids at her school would never be able to know. Clare decided to find some friends from a different school, a school for the kids who spent their lives partying and needed to make up the credits they didn't have so they could graduate. Now would you tell kids like this your real name? Of course not, so who was this girl hiding inside Clare? Hello everyone, and give a warm welcome to Nicole.

Clare refused to end up like those kids though, not like she thought she would anyways. Even with the partying, she still spent enough time with Ali and she was always able to keep her grades at a solid A. And to think, this all started the beginning of last year. Clare was still ok; she was alive and not about to die. So what could possibly go wrong?

(A.N; I REFUSE to have people wear school uniforms, that school dance never happened… obviously haha since Eli still hasn't come in.)

Clare slipped on a pair of loose jeans, a light purple t shirt, a white cardigan, and purple flats. She stepped out of her room to hear what? Her parents fighting.

(_What time is it? Oh that's funny shit, its 6:30 in the morning, and the dummies are already fighting. Man life's good.) _

_Shut up, shut up, and shut up. I'm going to go to school and getingt this day over with already. _

"Mom, I need a ride to school." Clare said interrupting her parents.

"Not now, just… wait."

_Of course… guess I'm riding my bike…again. _

Clare had to spend the majority of her time riding her bike places, and sometimes… it could be a real pain. She ran outside and took off.

**15 minutes later :D **

"Clareeeeeeee!" _(Hey look, its little Miss Princess!) _

"Hey Ali", said Clare smiling big. She refused to let 'Nicole' change her mind about Ali. Ali was her best friend and it was going to stay that way. "How was your last week of summer?" Clare continued to ask.

"Amazing, it was our only week without each other! Oh my gosh, there is a bunch of new kids this year. And not all of them are freshman; we should find some cute sophomores for us, or even better, juniors and seniors. Oh my goodness Clare, I am ready for this year to get started…" Man when Ali started talking she wouldn't stop.

Clare just kept walking with Ali, every now and again saying, "Yeah that sounds good" or nodding her head to give Ali the idea she was listening. _(Man we need to get this girl a muzzle!) _

Clare felt like an ass hole when her inside's was thinking this, but I mean it wasn't all Clare's fault right? Even if she was the one to create this monster inside her.

"Ok Clare, where are we going to first?"

"I need to go to my locker to put all my stuff in, would you like to join me?"

"Well duh," giggled Ali. Sometimes Clare wondered how Ali could be so smart…

While walking into the school, Clare felt someone bump into her. _(I swear to J. Christ, if that was a stupid f*cking freshman, I will kill someone. People need to learn better around here!) _

_Good start to this year so far… calm down. _

Clare could feel a little bit of Nicole coming out, as Clare whipped around to see who it was. She looked up to see two guys. _(THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!) _

_Ok so some guys have feminine features, no big deal. _

"Sorry", mumbled the shorter one of the two, the 'girly' looking one.

"Well who are you to?" asked Ali with a small grin. _Oh God, she's planning something. Just look at that smile, I bet she finds that taller one hot. Here we go again… _

"I'm Drew, and this is my younger brother, Adam", said the taller one. He was tan, well built and had a killer smile. (_Yummy, can I have him?) No, he's going to be Ali's. _

"Well I guess we'll just see you two later, now won't we" Ali said smoothly, before grabbing Clare's hand and walking off. "Yeah, we will" Clare heard Drew say.

"Oh my goodness, Clare they are hot! Well, Drew is, I want him." Ali said.  
"Really Ali, already?" laughed Clare. Go figure this was going to happen, Clare should have probably realized, Ali was quick with finding someone. When they finally made it to Clare's locker, Clare noticed someone a couple lockers down.

"Hey Ali, is he new to?" Clare asked pointing to this guy. He was cute, but Clare had never seen him before.  
"Yes I believe so, mm girl you should get at him" smiled Ali. _Figures she'd push me to get at someone. (I agree, he's fine. Please just let me have a little fun, I want to come out and party) _Clare ignored the annoying voice and just kept on.

"Hey Clare, I'm going to go to my locker. I'll meet you in first hour!" said Ali as she started walking off.

"Alright, see ya!" said Clare; she was looking down at her lock trying to open it when she saw of black shoes next to her…

**"You believe this is a game, and you may be right. But if you think you can play it better than me, think again."**

**just so everyone knows, i end my stories with quotes ha, i dont know why i do it, its just a whatever thing ha.**

**Ok so, terrible? Ok? Good? Ha, I would love some advice or just tell me if you like the idea of it! Thank you! And feel free to message of me, I don't have a life, I promise ha. **


	2. She Got A

**I got the idea for this chapter while working out… I know I'm awesome. Anyways, ****I do not own Degrassi or anything else****! Oh yeah, this is going to be a party chapter haha. **

CHAPTER TWO; She Got A - by

Clare looked up to this tall, well, taller than her, boy. Clare looked into his eyes for just a moment before snapping out of it.

"Can I help you?" she asked. (_Let's be nice kitty, I want to have fun!) Oh my…can you go away? (Nope, it's time for Nicole to come out. I bet he thinks we are hot and wants us.) Not a chance…. _

"No, but you dropped this," the boy replied as he handed her a familiar looking object. Clare's face turned pink right away. There, in all its glory was a tampon. _(Ah man, epic fail!) gahhh! _

"Well then… thank you…" Clare said quietly as she quickly took the object and threw it in her locker. _(Let's make a quick recovery! Time for me) Oh my gosh… no. _

But see, sometimes, Nicole can be a little stronger then Clare. This time, she won.

"Are you sure I dropped it though, or do you just carry those around to make excuses to talk to girls," 'Nicole' giggled. The cute boy smirked and just shook his head.

"Not a chance, you actually did drop it. Trust me, I don't need tampons to talk to girls," he replied.  
"Well I'd understand if you'd need it, I can be a little 'rough' to talk to," Nicole smiled.  
"Well could I get your name then?"  
"Ni… Clare. Clare Edwards", smiled Clare. She got his attention; she didn't need to keep Nicole out all day long.  
"Well I'm Eli, Eli Goldsworthy. I'll see ya around Clare", he smiled and walked away.

_(Oh girl! You got him; we just need to reel him on in.) No we don't, you just keep it in your pants ok?_

Clare shut her locker and took off to her first hour. She walked in just as the bell rang; first hour was study hall, THANK GOD. Clare shut her eyes and let herself go for the period. The day was drifting by, and then she got to fourth hour. Junior English class. As she walked in and took a seat, she then saw two very familiar faces walk in. One was the feminine featured boy, Adam and the tampon boy, Eli.

"Well hey there, guess Adam isn't going to be the only sophomore in this class," said Eli as he sat in front of Clare.  
"Guess not, but that's alright with me" Claire replied. _(I want him) _

Nicole wanted everyone, Clare didn't. She wanted to save her virginity, sad to say though, Nicole wasn't a virgin, and with that said, just because Nicole lost her virginity, Clare was still clean. At least that is what she would like to keep on believing.

Clare stared at the back of Eli's head for the rest of class; she wanted to play with hair so bad. The brown hair looked so soft and… luscious? Yes, good word choice. The rest of the day went in a blur, why? Because Nicole has plans for tonight, and school was not getting in the way of them.

**Leaving School. **

As Clare was walking out of school, she saw Eli walking not much farther ahead of her. _(Perfect…) _

"Hey tampon boy, wait up!" Clare shouted. Eli stopped and turned around, with a smirk that made Clare's heart flutter.  
"You know, that's what I get for being nice. I get a nasty ass nick name. Thanks… blue eyes."  
"Blue eyes? Well that's a new one," said Clare. _Nickname? A cute one? Awesome. _

"I like your eyes, sue me. Would you like a ride home?" _(Let's play a game, attitude & hard to get.) _

"Mm, sorry. My mommy always told me to never get in a car with a stranger. Plus, I need to bike home to stay in shape. For… you know." Clare winked at him before walking away. As she was walking away she heard Eli say, "For what exactly."

Clare turned around and said, "Guess you'll have to find out." Ok so maybe it wasn't Clare that came up with those things to say, but whatever. It helped, and Clare/Nicole was working her magic, like always.

_(I hope you realize how lost you would be with me.) Not lost, but probably have some problems with boys. And because of you, I know much unneeded information about drugs and alcohol. _

_(That stuff is not unneeded; speaking of that, let's go get ready. It's time to party!) _Apparently the inside of Clare forgot that school was back and it wasn't summer time. But it was Wednesday; they only had two more days left this week. And it's not like they would be learning anything in school tomorrow, so might as well have a little more fun before things get a little too serious. As Clare biked, the whole way home she was thinking of that certain 'stranger' she met today. And Nicole was making a plan.

When Clare arrived home, her parents weren't there. This wasn't surprising of course; they were barely home these days. That's what made the partying so much easier; she could get away with anything. Clare ran upstairs and started to take a shower. When she got out she started her process of getting ready. She was all shaved and ready to go, next step, lotion. The best smelling kind and lots of it!

She then went to her closet and went to the way back of it. Behind a bunch of old sweaters she found her party wear. Clare chose out a small black dress. Strapless, and showed a lot of her back off. Clare had a very nice body; she just hid it from those at school. Before she put the dress on, she applied some tanning lotion, not so much so she looked like a carrot, but just enough. She slipped on the dress, straightened her hair, and started with the makeup. Black eye liner on bottom and upper lid, white eye shadow and fake eyelashes. Foundation to make her face look tanner and the final touches, big hoop earrings. Clare/Nicole was ready to go. By now, there wasn't even Clare anymore, Nicole was out and ready.

She called her parents to tell them she was going out, would be home late, and they didn't even set her a curfew. Oh the trust this girl had from her parents, and with the things she did, it could all be broken if she didn't do things right. Next she called Bobby to pick her up. Bobby was a very cute boy. Soccer player, brown hair and deep brown eyes. Clare (Nicole? We'll just call her Clare so no one gets confused) had got at him, actually they had 'done it' many times, but Bobby got a girlfriend so things changed. In about 10 minutes, Bobby was at Clare's front door, and she was ready to go.

"Hey Nicole, ready to get going?" asked Bobby as he kissed her on the lips. What? Just because he has a girlfriend didn't mean they couldn't kiss. Clare was dying, but Nicole craved this.

"Oh yes, school sucks, I'm ready to just let loose!"  
"Good, because the party we are heading to is hella sick!" Bobby laughed as he sped off.

In about 20 minutes they were there, whoever was throwing this party had a huge house. There weren't hundreds of people, but there were about 90 people. 90 people and all this room, there was a lot of empty rooms used for… 'personal fun'.

Clare walked into the room and looked at all the familiar faces. She saw Kat and ran up to her to give her a hug. To Nicole, Kat was Clare's Ali. Kat actually introduced Nicole to pot, and to crank. Also known as a cheap form of meth. And man was it good stuff. Nicole LOVED snorting it because of the way it burned her nose. Clare was disgusted, but Nicole was in control. As Clare looked around the room she saw someone and ran into the kitchen.

"Shit shit shit! Kat what is HE doing here!" said Clare as she pointed in the direction of the living room.

"Oh, I'm pretty tight with him. Ok, that's a lie; I've talked to him like, three times. But Johnny is like best friends with him."

"Kat, I need some good shit…"  
"I got you girl!" cried Kat. Kat was one of the biggest junkies ever, so if you requested to do something, she was there right away. And you could tell by the way she looked. She was stick skinny, looking anorexic. Her hair was so insanely thin, she always had bags under her eyes, and she wore clothes that were too revealing. Clare leaned against the counter and buried her face in her hands. This could not be happening. Clare felt a tap on her shoulder and all she could think was, THANK GOD. Well maybe Clare wasn't thinking that, but Nicole sure was!

"Thank you Kat, I need th… oh… hi."  
"Uh, blue eyes?" Yep, there stood Eli. Of course, this was the last person Clare was expecting to see, and her plans of avoiding him instantly failed.

"Yeah you just keep on calling me that buddy, I am not Clare tonight. I'm Nicole, call me Clare and I will make your life a living hell, got it?" said Clare, with a slight glare.

"Well calm down, and why Nicole? Do you have some secret life I need to know of?"

"Do I look like I do at school? I'll answer that, no, I do not. So clearly, yes I do, but do you need to know about it? Nope."

Eli stared at Clare like she was crazy. He shook his head and said, "Want a drink _Nicole._"  
"Want to snort?" asked Nicole instead  
"You're into that?" Eli said this was disbelief.  
"Are you?"  
"Not at all, are you going to answer my question?"  
"Yes I am into that actually."  
"Nasty."  
"Are you sure you aren't?"  
"Old shit, not going back to it." Eli sighed and ran his fingers threw his hair. _(Man he's sexy) _

Kate came back and God bless her, she had Crank with her. Eli sat and watched Nicole come out. He saw a dirty nasty whore. Someone that cared about sex, partying, drugs and everything else illegal. Nicole snorted one, two lines. It burned her nose but it was amazing. The monster… it was beautiful.

_I cannot believe I am doing this in front of him. (Well if he doesn't like you for you and can't except this part of you, f*ck him.) _

Afterwards, Clare sat with Eli in a 'private room'. But not to do the nasty, see crank made a person just want to talk. So they lay on the bed and did just that.

Divorcing parents / Annoying parents.

Nicole / Partying Eli

Clare / Good boy Eli

Ex-boyfriend / Dead girlfriend

Drugs / Drugs

That night, Clare for once, was ok with being at a party. It was a good night…

****

**Ok well, love it? Hate it? I don't even know how I really feel about it but I do think I like it. It's a story that many people deal with; I actually had a best friend once. Her name was Nicole so this story is kind of for her. Except she recently died because of a drug over dose, R.I.P baby girl.): yeah I don't know, I really loved that girl, she was my true best friend. Do not worry though, I won't be killing Clare, I hate those kinds of sad stories, they are so depressing. Anyways I hope you people enjoy this, and please review because if you think this is crap and you don't tell me, then this is going to keep on being crabby. But do not be rude about it like, haha you suck! Then I'll call you an ass hole and make the world hate you. Lmao sorry, anyways, I need to go fix my relationship with my boyfriend now so thank you for reading and please review! **


	3. Magic

**So I really love writing this story. Probably because my best friend was insane like this, except she didn't even have a 'good' side to her. I mean, I guess she did in a way but she would come to school high and everything. I'd say we were the weirdest friends ever, like I'm not perfect in school but I'm a B average student and I would never do drugs and I drink every now and again. But she was full blown party girl 24/7. But whatever, no one can change what happens and I'll keep on trying to stop blaming myself for what happened. **

**So I hope you all enjoy the story so far, my goal for this chapter is to make it really long, haha I don't know why I want to. I'm going to my boyfriend's house soon though, but I'll finish it hopefully later… and this is really distracting from actually doing homework haha but whatever. Alright, please enjoy(:**

**I do not own Degrassi, I wish I owned Eli but I don't… lmfao. Anyways, I just own this story (: alright, read on (:**

****

Clare woke up smiling Thursday morning, she was feeling good. Physically, she was crashing hard, that was the worst part about drugs. No hang over though, because Clare was smart enough to not drink. Emotionally though, she felt as though she could fly. What Clare learned about Eli last night was everything she wanted to know. And she really liked everything he told her. I mean, of course she couldn't tell if he was lying about all the good things, but that's what trust is called. Clare knew Eli for one day, and she already could tell that they would be very good friends.

Clare applied a light shade of blush and minimum brown eye shadow. She slipped on a pair of dark blue jeans, not too lose and not too tight, with a light blue 'Toronto' hoodie and white tennis shoes. Clare wanted to be at school to see this boy she couldn't stop thinking about.

_What is wrong with me, I never want to see a boy this badly. (Aw, that's cute, Clare bear has a crush.) _

Today, Clare's mom actually took the time to drive her to school. When Clare first arrived to school, she realized that she was looking for Eli without evening meaning to. It's not like she was in love with him, so it shouldn't matter if she was by him, right?

Now this part is where it gets worse. Clare walked into school and by Eli's locker, she saw him with another girl. For some reason, Clare didn't even want to know who the girl was, so she didn't look any further. It was strange, Clare was struck with the feeling of jealousy, and she and Eli only knew each other for one day!

_Ugh, how could I possibly feel this way? I'm delusional. (Face it cupcake, you have a sweet little crush on tampon boy. And you may not want to admit it but at least one of us knows it.) _

_I will not like someone I barely know… (Actually, may I add that you know a lot about him. You know about his dead ex girlfriend and how annoying he finds his parents and all that great stuff. I believe the only thing you don't really know about him is what his favorite food and color are. Also, can we think back to Bobby? He was in your pants within the first week of knowing each other.)  
Correction, he was in YOUR pants, not mine. (Whatever, you clean person…)  
Good comeback, I'm glad I'm fighting with myself, I have officially gone crazy. _

Clare was already at her locker and opened it when she was snapped out of her thoughts by someone tapping her on the shoulder. She turned around to see her best friend standing there. Clare sighed and then smiled.  
"What's wrong?" Ali asked immediately.  
"Oh nothing," Clare replied. _How does she always know something is wrong? _

"Ok missy, I have been your best friend for over a year, I think I know when you don't feel good. Now spill the beans." Ali put her hands on her hips waiting for Clare to reply.

"Oh my goodness Ali, ok nothing is wrong. But I have this weird feeling, I saw Eli talking to another girl and I don't know. I think I may have gotten slightly jealous, but I don't even realize why. I mean, there is no way I could have a crush on him right?"

"Correction, yes you can. He is a cute boy and from what it seems like, he's sweet. So having a crush on him would be understandable." Ali smiled, "So how did this crush even start? Unless it started randomly?"

"Oh no, I saw him yesterday at, uh, The Dot. We started talking, a lot and now I know a lot of major things about him. I even told him about KC."

"That sounds intense. KC was a douche and now you have a new boy to talk to," Ali giggled while saying this. _(Let's get her a leash, or a muzzle. Oh my God is she annoying) _

"And plus…" Ali added, "KC is old news. Sometimes to move on, you need to try something new."

"Yeah I guess…" Clare thought about this for a moment and started realizing Ali jus may be right about this. Clare needed to move on, she was to emotional from KC and Eli did seem like a really nice guy…

First to third hour came and went quickly. Clare was excited to see Eli, even if she didn't really understand if she liked him or what was going on with her. When she walked into the class she Eli was already there, head laid down on his desk. She took a seat behind him and read the board, 'Choose a writing partner.'

"Mm, Eli we should be writing partners," Clare said hoping he would just agree.

"Wait, what?" He looked like a confused child… Clare pointed to the board and she watched him as he read it. Finally he said, "Oh yeah, sounds good." After Eli had said that he laid his head down.

_(Oh hell no!) _

"Well if you didn't feel the need to be my partner, you can just say so…" Clare sighed, some people were just so irritating.

"No, oh no, Clare I do want to work with you. It's just I have a headache from last night and yeah." Eli sighed, "Rough night…"

Clare burst out laughing. Eli smirked, "What's so funny blue eyes"

"Uh partying 101; never drink on school nights," She said smiling.  
"Oh but you can snort stuff?"

Clare sighed. _Of course he has to go and bring that up. (It's who you are.) No, it's who YOU are; I have nothing to do with it. At least I would like to believe that, please and thank you. _

Clare finally said, "Eli, we do not talk about that in school. I'm not Nicole ok?"

Eli shook his head, he was confused on why someone would want to live a double life, but it's not like his parents knew about him partying. But I mean, no one wants to tell their parents that.

"Well I'll just say, I don't know who's who sometimes and I don't know which one I'm getting those feelings for…"

****

**Yay I'm dumb. I just really wanted to update today and I planned on this being longer but that never happened so the next chapter is going to be really interesting and fun and long (: Yay. If anyone watches Jersey Shore, please tell me if you do! New season starts, January 6****th****(: I'm so excited. Ok please read, review, you know the deal. Love you Alll!**


	4. A Thousand Miles

**I do not own Degrassi. **

**Christmas chapter? Just because it's the season, but I will have the first part be normal time then we will have a little time skip. I have a very good chapter name for this and say, you should all listen to the song, it's very amazing. (: I want this chapter to be extra cute and I want this up by Christmas, Christmas Eve is tomorrow, so I'll be writing my butt of because its 11:13 pm right now, sweet. I hope you all enjoy! **

****

_"Well I'll just say, I don't know who's who sometimes and I don't know which one I'm getting those feelings for…"_

Clare interrupted before Eli could dare say any more.  
"What feelings are you exactly talking about and what do you mean? Eli I am one person, I am Clare Edwards and I always will be. I was born Clare and I will die Clare. Yes, when I party, I have a different name that I go by. Sometimes, I don't like that side of who I am, but no matter how much I want to deny it, it's still me. So if you have feelings of hate, or lust, or love, or whatever towards Nicole, you have it towards me."

Clare was frustrated, for many reasons but there was one specifically that was bothering her. This all started making her think of her 'relationship' with Bobbie. All Nicole was to Bobbie was a sex toy. There was no way that she planned on telling Bobbie about Clare because he wouldn't care. All Clare wanted was for someone to actually care about her, and not to care about the partying. Apparently though that was too much to ask for.

Eli looked speechless, so Clare decided she had enough of this already for one day. She got up and walked out of class before her teacher came in. As she made her way outside she heard footsteps behind her. _I will not turn around, I will not turn around. _

But of course, as everyone knows, when you tell yourself not to do something, you end up doing it anyways. Clare turned around to see Eli chasing after her. "Eli take one more step and I will kick you in the balls," Clare yelled this. _Woah, way to not act like 'Clare'. _

"Just calm down blue eyes, I just want to talk," Eli said while slowly walking towards Clare. He had to be careful, since he still planned on having children one day.

"About what? How much you love Nicole and how much you want to party with her. No one cares Eli!" Clare started, but she was not done talking yet. "You know Eli, people have feelings. I don't care how much I part, you better just get used to it if you want to be in my life." This was a side of Clare that no one would see, but she was getting mad.

Eli walked up to Clare and grabbed hold of her shoulders. "I'm not judging you on your partying or whatever, so stop just assuming these things. It's like you're running away from me and I really don't understand why. So can we please just learn to get along?"

Clare pulled Eli's arms off of her and started walking away again. "Yeah I guess we can, but no messing around ok." Clare kept walking away, so Eli asked, "Where are you going?"

"That's for me to know, and for you not to follow me. You can do whatever you want, but I need to have some thinking time."

Eli sighed and said, "I'll just come with, I promise I won't bother you."

_(How the hell do you get rid of this kid? I swear, he's like a lost little puppy that just needs to follow people. Oh my goodness, now I'm getting mad. Just keep on walking Clare, he won't follow us… wait, he's following us. Ugh!) Can you stay calm, I realize he's following us, but let him. As long as he doesn't bother us, I mean, me, then it's alright. _

Eli kept his distance from Clare; he needed to think to so he didn't mind being a distance away. But when Clare was ready, he wanted to be there so that they could talk. There was something about Clare that made Eli, really want to see what she's like. Eli was so busy thinking that he didn't even really think about where they were heading, then he noticed that they were in a neighborhood, Clare's?

Eli ran so he could catch up to Clare. "Hey, Clare where are we?"

"By my house, I'm not going in, and neither of you. You wanted to talk right? Then we will sit outside and talk," Clare said. She wouldn't even make eye contact with Eli. He felt like it was stabbing him in the heart, he knew this girl for one day. But that one, they talked about their lives. He never opened up to people like that before, it was amazing.

Finally they reached Clare's house. _I wonder how I should start this out. I mean, I don't even know what to say to this guy. _

They took a seat on the steps leading up to the front door. The first few minutes of sitting there, it was awkward and silent. Finally Eli said what he had been dying to say.

"You know Clare; I really want to get to know you better. I want to know every little thing about you. Your favorite color, and food, and even animal. I just want to know you."

"Well then, I guess we can start, but I'm going to be Clare, not Nicole," Clare sighed while saying this. She was hoping he wasn't expecting to smoke or drink while doing this talking.

"I wouldn't ask for anything more or less. Now let's just begin with answering those questions," Eli said with a smirk. He himself didn't understand why he was doing this, but it's what he felt like he needed to. There was something pulling him to talk to this girl, little did he know, the same thing was pulling at her.

So they started this random conversation. The two talked about everything, and all of a sudden, everything began to change.

**3 months later, a week before Christmas. **

Clare was irritated, she was feeling jittery, and she wanted to go! So she did what she figured would be the best plan, she picked up her cell phone and made the call.

"Uhm, hello?" the person on the other line answered.

"Eli, you better be here soon because I would like to get to a party eventually!" Clare said. She smiled, because she knew what was going to come next. Eli would complain how last weekend she kept him waiting, and his car wouldn't warm up so he almost froze. Those were exactly the same words that came out of Eli's mouth next.

"Eli, I am ready to go, can you please come get me now," Clare sighed. That boy sometimes…

But she still smiled at the thoughts and memories her and Eli had made. Clare and Eli became great friends and she loved seeing him day after day. Of course, Clare spent much time with Ali and her new boyfriend Drew. But what was even nicer was her new friend Adam as well. Now that boy was an interesting one, and hilarious. But Eli was still the only friend that knew of Nicole, and Clare was planning on keeping it that way.

After about 10 minutes, Clare heard honking outside. _Someone was speeding to get here…_

_(Party time! Wow, it's almost Christmas to, I cannot wait for those parties! Oh and new years, fun fun fun!)_

Clare grabbed her black cage heels and her white coat. They went along with the Blue strapless dress she wore, this dress wasn't too short though. It was just a little bit above her knees.

As soon as she got into the car, Clare wished she had a blanket, or something to keep her warm.

"Eli, why is it so damn cold in here!" Clare glared at Eli while saying this. This was torture and there was no way she was going to be able to sit in here. Eli sighed, "Clare it's only a 20 minute drive…" he started to snicker.

"What's so funny?" Clare continued her glaring. "Maybe if you dressed more appropriate you'd be fine," Eli stated with a large smirk.

"You are such a little booger!"Said Clare as she playfully hit his arm. Tonight would be a good night, Clare had a feeling.

Finally they arrived at the party, except the parking wasn't the greatest.

"Do you know if Kats going to be here with Bobby?" Eli asked.

"I know Bobby is, so that probably means Kat will be," Clare said. She wasn't feeling like 'Nicole'. Nicole started dying off, during the week days, so it felt like she would never come out and party. Clare always would have major crashes, where she couldn't focus in school. Clare would miss at least one day a week because of the crashes; they would hurt your insides. Basically, when you crash, you cannot move, or eat, you just do not want to do anything.

"Hey Nicole, cheer up would you," Eli flicked Clare's chin up and smiled at her.  
"I just want to have tonight… I don't know"  
"Well you will, let's get a move," Eli said. He hopped out of the car and went on Clare's side to open the door for her. He helped her out and they started walking towards the house. This seemed like a very large chaotic party. All of a sudden got a very over whelming feeling. _(Let's move a little faster here. I need something to make me feel good) I'm getting there if you could just hold on one moment. _Clare used to disagree with Nicole, but lately, if there was a thought from Nicole, Clare wouldn't disagree to it. She was trying to keep her grades up and her social life normal, but what Nicole said, would win.

As soon as they walked inside, Clare searched for Kat. It wasn't hard to find her, especially when she heard Kat's very unique laugh. Clare grabbed Eli's hand and forced him to go with her; she didn't have to explain where they were going though. Eli knew what Clare/Nicole's bad habits were.

"Kat!" cried Clare when she saw here. Clare hadn't seen her in two weeks, which was a long time for best friends.

"Oh Nicole!" Kate hugged her and said, "How I've missed you. Girl, are you ready to party?"  
Clare smiled, "I always am, let's get to it."

Kat pulled out a white substance from her pocket and they took a seat at the table. Clare noticed that Eli disappeared, but the inside of her didn't care. She knew Eli would be back to make sure she didn't kill herself. Kat set up four lines.

"Ready, set, go," Kat said while begging to snort. Clare smiled, Kat would always count down. Then Clare started, the way the power burned her nose and made it itch, most people would wonder why people enjoyed this. But then Clare leaned back and just enjoyed it. Then, Nicole came out, and it was time to party.

"I feel great," Nicole said, while getting up. "I want a drink; want to get one with me, Kat?"  
Kat giggled before grabbing onto Nicole and pulling herself up. As the girls were walking out, Eli was walking in. "Hey Eli, we're getting a drink," Nicole told him.

"Hey Kat, is Bobby here?" Eli asked, and Kat giggled and nodded.

"I think… he's upstairs," Kat giggled some more. She sounded like a fool, but that's what happens.

"Kat, did you already drink something?" Nicole asked with a smile, Kat was being so giggly.

So of course, Kat giggled more before nodding her head. Nicole laughed and shook her head. As they were getting drinks they heard pounding on the door. Nicole saw Eli and Bobby running towards the two girls. Both the boys grabbed the girl's hands and led them through the back door.

"Excuse me, can you please explain what is going on?" Cried Clare… err… Nicole. She refused to go any farther.

"Nicole, there is no time to explain. There are cops, and this party has way too many drugs. We need to go, now." Eli grabbed her hand and took off. The group of four ran together into a nearby forest.  
"Bobby, I'm tired…" complained Kat.  
"Not now Kat baby. We will stop soon, but we cannot stop at this moment," he said as he kept pulling Kat along. Finally, they all stopped running. _Wow, I don't even know where we are right now. This is a disaster. _

"So, does anyone know where we are?" Nicole asked, before sitting down against a tree.  
"It's two dark, so… no I can't really tell right now," sighed Eli. He took a seat next to Nicole and closed his eyes. Bobby and Kat took a seat across from Eli and Nicole. All of a sudden Kat started to cry.

"Guys! I left my puppy at home," Kat cried out. Bobby sighed before saying, "Kat…you don't own a puppy, or a kitty. So don't worry."

"Wow, did she drink a lot before I got to the party?" Nicole asked.  
"Yeah… oh well." Bobby said, and continued, "I think we all just need a little sleep. We are pretty deep in the forest so no one will find us."

"Can't we go back?" Nicole said. This is not a part of her plan for tonight. Tonight was supposed to be amazing and fun, and being stuck in a forest was not good.  
"No, there were a lot of cops. And a party as big as that, being caught around there right now would be really bad. Especially since all of us were drinking and you and Kat are high," Eli answered. Nicole wanted to say more, but she was so tired…

**Next Morning**

Clare woke up to the vibrating of her phone that she left in her bra. She woke up and felt, very uncomfortable. She looked around to see Bobby and Kat across from her, both leaning against a tree sleeping. Next to her was Eli, who had his head on her shoulder, he was passed out. Clare looked at her phone and it was her weekend alarm she always had set, 9:30 AM.

Clare shook her head; she had such a bad head ache. After looking around, she realized she had no idea where they were. So she did the next natural thing, she started to cry. _Could this really be happening?_

_(Ugh why is it always me?) You? Are you kidding me? This is your entire fault. If you weren't so dumb… (Hold it! You do you realize you are arguing with yourself right? So whatever is my fault is yours to!) _

As much as Clare hated to admit it, her inside voice was right. Whatever Nicole did, it was still Clare. Clare had even explained this to Eli three months ago; she and Nicole was one person. Clare mumbled, shit shit shit, to herself as she hit the back of her head against the tree. She then let herself doze off again.

**10:30 AM**

Clare felt someone shaking her, and she opened her eyes to Eli. "Let's go sleepy head, we have no idea where we are and we need to get going."

Clare could barely feel her body and she really did not want to move. She looked at Kat, and man did she look like shit. Kat had giant bags under her eyes and her hair was a total mess. Then again, Clare doubted she looked any better herself. She stood up with the help of Eli and dusted the dirt off of herself.

"So what's the plan? To just wander around and find our ways open? I don't know about you, but I do not plan on calling home and telling them about this. I rather them just think I'm missing." Clare sighed. Nothing could get worse than this, well it probably could. But the last thing she was going to think about was worse possibilities.

"Do we have another choice?" Sighed Bobby. The silence basically answered that, they didn't have another choice. This time, all four of them really dug a hole for themselves, a big one. And it was going to be very hard to get out of this one. So they took off, wandering around to find their way home.

**12 PM **

Clare's stomach growled. "Guys, we have been walking around for almost two hours, and I'm getting hungry," she complained. They had made their way into a small town; they had probably ended up on the wrong side of the forest and were now in a smaller town. The city of Toronto couldn't be too far.

(AN; I really don't get Canada, like if Toronto is a city or whatever. Like it's a province? I don't know, it's a city in this story! Lmao.)

Eli sighed before saying, "I guess we can stop for a small bite of food. I really need to get home…"

"We all do. Oh my goodness, my parents are going to kill me," as Kat said this she started to cry.

"Ok quick food stop so we can get home!" Bobby said as they made their way to a small restaurant.

**1:30 PM**

After food, and going back into the forest, they finally could see the house they partied in last night. But it felt like the house was so far away. "We're almost there guys!" Clare said happily. She wanted to go home and just take a shower, she felt so dirty.

"Thank God!" Kat said, smiling for the first time since this morning. After another 20 minutes, they finally made it to the house. They all said quick goodbyes, and Eli and Clare practically sprinted to the car. They got in and quickly made their way home. "Well, Eli that was a truly memorable night. I'll see ya later!" Clare said, as she quickly hugged him and ran into her house. Clare walked into her house to see cops talking to her parents… _(We're f*cked…)_

****

**Damn, I really wanted Christmas in this chapter but then I got this really good idea for the story and yeah. (: THIS IS A TRUE STORY, because it happened to me and my friends. The only difference though was it didn't last as long and I didn't get caught for making it home so late. (: Well Merry Christmas everyone! **


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